Wedding hell.

I am getting married.
*** now most girls would sqeal and do some super-stupid hand clappy jumping crap***
Not me.

I am not one of those girls who has always dreamed of being married, in fact, the thought of marriage terrifies me. I hate the stupid white dresses with tacky stones on them, I hate the stupid 'best man' I hate the stag night, I hate the first dance, I hate the 'funny' speeches..I hate the stupid dated cream car with stupid cream leather seats, I hate the food, I hate wedding cake...I hate weddings.

I have never been to a wedding I liked and now mine is only one year away I am feeling more than tetchy.

Everyone is throwing in their two penneth and I don't wanna hear it. I know that sounds mean but it makes me more and more nervous and more and more confused.

I hate wedding dresses and can't find a single thing I like, the closest I have found is this...
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=260773863562&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT
which to be fair, IS a beautiful dress, but I am a big-chested woman and this is not for the bustier woman :(

Here are some other dresses I love and yet you have to be pretty much flat-chested to wear

Jenny Packham - I love you so much but WHY so small? Can't girls with boobs have pretty dresses too?

Temperley - OH so beautiful...so so so beautiful...but where for my boobs?

I lost the link to this pic (sorry whoever owns it - I would credit you) but isn't this a gorgeous and simple look. why so small though?

Jenny Packham again - again with the flat chest :(

How to marry a millionaire - that film has about six million gorgeous dresses in it..this one is my favourite. My ankle is fatter than Laren Bacall's waist.

Keira Knightley wears the BEST dress in the world..I am green with envy. I am also not six foot and two inches thin, nor famous enough to warrant a nice dress like this.

Two more Packham's..so beautiful but SO small and SO expensive.

Beautiful Drew. Perfect Drew..I need her chest/figure size.

So what to do? I don't like fuss, I don't like churches, religion, tradition, it would seem I only like massively pricey dresses made for skinny rake ladies with shitloads of cash....arrgrh!!!

urrgh.....URRRGH, the search goes on.

Crap.